Thursday, June 4, 2009


My Bicentennial son, Josiah Nathan Van Sciver the magnificent, born on this day in 1976, is best approached with reverential awe. I capitulate to the inevitability of his reign. He has the advantage of certain genetic enhancements, which have made him a true Person of Quality, giving rise to a cult of almost religious hero-worship among intellectuals, workers and students. If he were a video-game, he'd be the most downloaded in history. He is not. However, he is a triple-nominee for the You Go Award. He owes most of his personal growth to his angel mother and to the principle of motion. He is a child survivor of ghastly, inhumane conditions, and has been rescued from the very brink of the abyss by his wonderful wife, Sarah, the princess. Now he is thirty-three, which is, appropriately, the product of two prime numbers. His rare mind bubbles with truth. He is a wizard with computers. When asked why he has devoted his life to this technology, he responds, "It beats poaching elephants." His insightful sense of humor is seldom restrained. I am his father; there is no one else to blame. Finally, it should be recorded that Josiah would look a lot like the Mona Lisa , if he were a woman, a little younger, if he had a face like hers, and if he had a smile like hers. Happy birthday, son! Carry on the revolutionary struggle, and be sure to enforce the code of tribal honor at home. I love you.


Josiah said...

"It beats poaching elephants"? I said that? Thank you, Dad, for the pictures of me in my greasy glory. I can't believe anybody ever let me dress like that.

Saint Holiday said...

Well, perhaps you haven't said exactly this yet, but from an evolutionary point of view, it's something you might say given an infinite number of years and the right combination of molecules. By the way, I've meant to ask you, where do you find a pot big enough to poach an elephant?

The H-Bum

Hannah said...

Ah, the 80's. They were harsh years.

I'm loving those wonderful red and white polka dot shorts you're wearing in a couple of the pictures Siah. Hahah! Good times. Good times.

Hope you had an awesome birthday!!

Jenna Consolo said...

I adore Josiah! Happy Birthday, bro. I really love you. Always have. You have such a kind and patient temperment.

Also, I love to see your pics because it's astounding how much your kids look like you! I even saw some of my boys in your expressions. Very fun. I remember all of it.

Anonymous said...

Josiah always seemed depressed to me when I was a kid. Quiet and always watching tv.

Happy father's day dad!
I wish more than anything that I could roam the earth with the man responsible for my life. Perhaps someday.