Sunday, August 31, 2008


Recent rumors that St. Holiday may have sired more than his acknowledged nine children have set off a firestorm of speculation and intrigue, not only on this continent but across the Pacific as well. Currently in an undisclosed rehabilitation facility for treatment of a serious chocolate addiction, the saintly one has refused to either confirm or deny the rumors, stating through his spokesman, "I can not discuss this sensitive subject, especially without the permission of my secret children, and especially at this trying time when I am dealing with an affliction that threatens my marriage, health, life and even my very credit rating." Pressed for further information concerning the Colonel of Truth, St. Holiday's publicity manager reminded the restless crowd of media representatives gathered outside the poet's Show Low home that on this day in 430 AD, St. Augustine of Hippo died. St. Holiday can be expected to spend this significant day of remembrance as is his holy custom, by searching for some modern Pelagian heresy to oppose in word and deed. His publicist said that St. Holiday has also been preoccupied with perfecting his signature look, though he has been having some difficulty getting his eyebrows just right, and the clamoring public may have to settle for mere profiles in the future. Furthermore, he has been wrestling with whether to use the word "insouciant" in future blog posts. A confidential source has leaked that St. Holiday is also considering offers from the Federal Witness Protection Program. He may need it if rumors concerning his so-called unacknowledged children are born out.